Friday, March 19, 2010

More on the UDA conference.

More on the UDA conference. Brigg Noyes presented an excellent session on Helping Parents Preserve their Romantic Relationship after the Birth of a Child. He stated as many as 80% of couples report a drastic drop in martial quality after the birth of a child. He challenged us, who work with pregnant women to raise some questions to the expecting couple.
• “How are you going to preserve the relationship that created this baby?”
• “How are you going to keep this spark going?”
• “What is your role to help your partner?”
• “What is your role as a parent?”
He stated that parents have increase responsibility, more work and less support, decrease in physical and emotional intimacy and increased stress. Depression and surfacing of own childhood issues are common after birth.
The fighting and conflict lead to parent-child interaction. This impacts the baby by
• Increasing baby blood pressure
• Parents have poor ability to read baby’s cues (and therefore do not meet baby’s needs in a timely manner)
• Baby is now at higher risk for later emotional, behavioral, and cognitive problems
• When parents are in conflict, the baby is especially likely to withdraw from the father, negatively impacting this important relationship.
With this knowledge, it is important to assess your relationship, work on communication and intimacy skills and to consciously create a family. Create traditions and everyday rituals.
• And Baby Makes Three (book) John and Julie Gottman
• Getting the Love You Want Workbook Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt
• Passionate Marriage (book) David Schnarch

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